I hate situations where you have no control over anything, you just have to wait and see what comes next.  I know how I feel about Michael, and I know we could be really good together....  We already know the attraction and the passion are there, along with the friendship...

Now if he'd just take that leap of faith... But I won't push, so I wait... and try to be the best friend that I can be for the time being.

Well... Last night was date number two for Michael and I... We went to dinner, got smoothies and then went to see the 40 Year Old Virgin... Which was a lot better than I thought it'd be... We were giggling through a good part of the movie, along with holding hands/cuddling through most of it.

After the movie, we drove back to my house, got here around 12:30 in the morning and we sat in the car and talked a while.  And then we started doing a bit more than talking.  So yeah, things are more than complicated now... But no matter what happens, I have no regrets.  Had we not had sex, we'd always wonder about how good it would be, and if we end up together, then it's all good...

His first words after were to think about how good it'll be when we have room to stretch out.  Yeah.. front seat of a car is definitely awkward... lol

To quote Cris - It had to be done...

I am the guy who came out to the entire school in his senior speech and got a standing ovation for his courage.

I am the girl who kisses her girlfriend on the sidewalk and laughs at those who glare.

We are the couple who planned and studied and got a damn good lawyer and BEAT the state that wanted to take our child away.

We are the ones who took martial arts classes and carry pepper spray and are just too dangerous to gay bash.

I am the transgender person who uses the bathroom that suits me, and demands that any complaining staff explain their complaint to my face in front of the entire restaurant -- and shares with my other trans friends which restaurants don't raise a stink.

I am the mother who told her lesbian daughter to invite her girlfriend over for dinner.

I am the father who punished his son for calling you a fag.

I am the preacher who told my congregation that love, not hate, is the definition of a true follower of God.

I am the girl who did not learn the meaning of "homosexual" until high school but never thought to question why two men might be kissing.

I am the woman who argues (quite loudly and vehemently) with the bigots who insist that you do not have the right to marry or raise children.

We are the high school class who agrees, unanimously, along with our teacher, that love should be all that matters.



If you agree, repost this. Do it. You don't have to be afraid. You can handle it. You're stronger than you think.

I am making a difference. Hate will not win.

And I've got a few songs really hitting chords with me lately.  I seem to be playing Chely Wright's Metropolitan Hotel cd quite often, and the new Josh Gracin song just makes me melt... so y'all are getting lyrics.. lol

Chely Wright - Back of the Bottom Drawer

In the back of the bottom drawer
Of the dresser by our bed
Is a box of odds and ends
That I have always kept
But the man who sleeps beside me
Doesn't know it's even there
Little pieces of my past
That I shouldn't have to share

A napkin that is stained with time
Has a poem on it that didn't quite rhyme
But it made me cry
And a Dear Jane letter from a different guy
He broke up with me and told me
I'm not always right
And a stolen key from on old hotel room door
In the back of the bottom drawer

I dont keep these things
'Cause i'm longin' to go back
I keep them because I wanna stay right where I'm at
I'm reminded of my rights and wrongs
I dont wanna mess this up
But I wouldn't know where I belong
Without this box of stuff

A birthday card from my first boyfriend
He signed it I love you so I gave in
Yea we went too far in his daddy's car
And those mardi gras beads from '98
We danced all night stayed out so late
We thought we were stars
Closin' down the bars
That champaign was cheap
But still I got that cork
In the back of the bottom drawer

I'm not tryin' to hide these things
From the man I love today
But I'm a better woman for him
Thanks to my yesterdays
So now I try to give more than I take
And I bite my tongue fight the urge to say
It's my way or no way at all
And now I cherish love a whole lot more
'Cause of what's in the back of the bottom drawer

Chely Wright - The Bumper of My SUV

I've got a bright red sticker on the back of my car,
Says: "United States Marines."
An' yesterday a lady in a mini-van,
Held up her middle finger at me.
Does she think she knows what I stand for,
Or the things that I believe?
Just by looking at a sticker for the US Marines,
On the bumper of my S.U.V.

See, my brother Chris, he's been in,
For more than 14 years now.
Our Dad was in the Navy during Vietnam,
Did his duty, then he got out.
And my Grandpa earned his Purple Heart,
On the beach of Normandy.
That's why I've got a sticker for the US Marines,
On the bumper of my S.U.V.

But that doesn't mean that I want war:
I'm not Republican or Democrat.
But I've gone all around this crazy world,
Just to try to better understand.
An' yes, I do have questions:
I get to ask them because I'm free.
That's why I've got a sticker for the US Marines,
On the bumper of my S.U.V.

'Cause I've been to Hiroshima,
An' I've been to the DMZ.
I've walked on the sand in Baghdad,
Still don't have all of the answers I need.
But I guess I wanna know where she's been,
Before she judges and gestures to me,
'Cause she don't like my sticker for the US Marines,
On the bumper of my S.U.V.

So I hope that lady in her mini-van,
Turns on her radio and hears this from me.
As she picks up her kids,
From their private school,
An' drives home safely on our city streets.
Or to the building where her church group meets:
Yeah, that's why I've got a sticker for the US Marines,
On the bumper of my S.U.V.


Chely Wright - Between a Mother and a Child

(This song is so much like my mom and I, and also like my gram and I.. I actually gave my mom a copy of this cd just so she could hear this song.  It just fits our dysfunctional family way too well.)

I know you don't like me
Don't like the things I do
The saddest part just might be
That I don't like you too
You think you know my story
Well, maybe you did for a little while
I guess that's the way it goes sometimes
Between a mother and a child

All my life you've reminded me
How you struggled nine long months
Your achin' back and your swollen feet
How you almost lost me once
You say you gave up everything
All the dreams you had
Told us kids we're the only reason
You stayed there with our dad

And you want me to cry for you
You want me to feel the way you do
I'm sorry your life let you down
But the fault, it is not mine
It's not supposed to be like this
Between a mother and a child

You want me to just agree
With everything you say
Call my dad the bad guy
Make him pay and pay and pay
It's really not my business
It never was or will ever be
But I know nobody's perfect
And that's counting you and me
Yeah that's counting you and me

I don't remember all that happened
Mama, I was just a kid
But if it really was all that bad
Why do you wish I did?

You want me to cry for you
I'll never feel the way you do
I'm sorry your life let you down
But the fault it is not mine
It's not supposed to be this way
Between a mother and a child
Oh a mother and a child
You're my mother and I'm your child

Josh Gracin - Stay With Me

Baby, the clock on the wall is lying
It's not really that late
It's too cold outside to be walking around
the streets of this town
Anywhere if you think you have to be can wait

[Chorus]
(Baby) So why don't you stay with me?
Share all your secrets tonight
We can make believe the morning sun never will rise
Come and lay your head on this big brass bed
And we'll be alright as long as you stay with me, yeah

Baby, there's just no use in hiding
The way that I am feeling right now
With you standing there baby I swear I can't help but stare
Girl you're wearing me out, wearing me out

[Chorus]
(Baby) Why don't you stay with me?
Share all your secrets tonight
We can make believe
the morning sun never will rise
Come and lay your head on this big brass bed
We'll be alright as long as you stay with me

[Bridge]
Baby don't go it looks like it's starting to rain
And it's so warm here in this apartment wrapped up in this blanket

So Stay

[Repeat chorus]

Stay with me

Well, I know I don't update nearly as often as I should, but things don't really change much for me.

Kellen started preschool today, he goes Mondays and Wednesdays, from 8:30 to 10:30 in the morning.  They have a van pick him up at like 8:15 and he's home about 10:45, so it's only two and a half hours total that he's gone, but it feels strange too.  I know it's best for him, and I didn't cry, but I'm still a bit sad.  I'm glad that he's growing up, but I miss him being a baby. 

Customers that see me at the store regularly are telling me I should have another one...  My first thought? "With who?"  Apparently, they think that if the kids are further apart in age, they won't get along very well.  I think that a lot of that depends on the parents and how well they incorporate another child and the transitions from being an only child to an older sibling.

Everything else is on a wait and see basis at the moment... *shrugs*

I was just stunned by the disaster in New Orleans.. So I decided to do something...

This is my way of helping, so please, check it out, buy something if you can.. I promise, all of the money earned from this will go directly to the Red Cross or to the Salvation Army as soon as it comes to me.

And I just got home from a date... Michael and I took the kids out for happy meals and he took me to Walmart so I could get a few things I needed.... But it was a date... complete with a good night kiss...

I'd forgotten how much I love his kisses....

OMG... the majorly HOTT tour guide from New Orleans?  I found out yesterday, he's TWENTY...

I have a serious crush on this guy and he's not even legal to take drinking with me!

Someone smack me.. LOL

Oh yeah..  I missed a reply card in my book club, so I wound up getting these two books, one full of puzzles and brain teasers and the other full of quizzes...   Oh, Emma? When you need more questions.. Let me know and I can probably scrounge a few thousand for you..   There are 10 thousand quizzes in this book...

And my baby is officially 3 today....  Now if only he wasn't sick.  We've already had some throwing up and a lil bit of a fever today... He's currently laying on the floor with his blankie...

Hell of a way to spend a birthday huh?

EDIT: Thrown up and had a nap, now he's feeling much better, playing and eating blueberries and toast.. lol