Birthday's done and over with.  I now have two cakes in the fridge.  Gram told me to go get one on my actual birthday (Friday) and then my  mom showed up with one last night when they came home.

Still planning to move in the fall, still not telling the family anything until T.J. is here.  At least then, I'll have some moral support while I tell them.  That is always a good thing.

He's working on getting a car, as his family has convinced him it will be cheaper to drive up and back rather than to do the greyhound thing.  I prefer the idea of driving anyway, since then, we can choose where to stop.

So yesterday when I called Tommy, he was at his mom and dad's... and he put me on speakerphone so I "met" his mom last night.  She is as anxious as he is to get me moved down there.  Has even offered her home for the wedding, she sorta figured that we would be getting married, since we've talked about having more children too.  Which just makes her happy, she wants more grandkids... And is already counting Kellen as one. 

Gram had two big blood clots, one in each lung.  Not to mention a bunch of small ones, clots in her legs, and both old and new clots in her heart.  They put a screen in yesterday, and she's started on blood thinners and will be on those for the rest of her life.

The pulmonologist said that 200,000 people die each year from what happened to Gram.  She's lucky to be alive.

Part of me can't help but feel that she's only waiting until Kellen and I are settled before she goes.  But she's going into a Sub-Acute Unit at the nursing home both my mom and I used to work for,  at least for a little while, and mom is taking Kellen with her to the beach for a week.  Which gives me a week to find a competent sitter, and get subsidized child care, so that I can afford said sitter.  My mom has decided she won't help me with him.  

You know, I don't ask that much of my family, and last I heard, Family helps family.  But apparently, not when it comes to my mother and me.   She'd bend over backwards to help her brothers, hence why my uncle has the car I'm supposed to be learning to drive on, but she's not willing to help me that way.  Everything I say is just an excuse or just not worth listening to. 

The moving to Texas may get pushed up a bit.  At least there, I'd have help.

My grandmother is in the hospital once again.  She has blood clots and they think one of them may have broken off and gotten into her lungs.  The reason she went to the ER today is because she had trouble breathing.

Mom and I've been trying to tell her for a bit that she might have a clot, but she didn't want to hear it.  So yeah.  Needless to say, I'm freaking out a bit.  Trying not to, but I am.

I don't usually ask this, but a good friend of mine is facing a really hard time right now.  His mother's been hospitalized with very low red and white cell counts, though her plateletts are fine.  Anyways, he's not really sure what's going on yet, but there's just that chance of not good stuff.  And then his dad adds that he's been diagnosed with a leaking valve in his heart.  On a scale of 1-10, it's an 8, but they won't do anything until it's a 10.  But that would be valve replacement surgery.  So those of you who pray, if you'd keep her  and their family in your prayers, I'm sure it would be appreciated.  And if the rest of you could just send some positive energy their way, I know they can use all they could get.

Other than that, all is well.  Am working a lot lately, but the hours are great when you need cash.

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Hopefully, if all goes well, I'll be adding Texas in September, though it looks like Tommy may end up paying most of that, just with my bills being the way they are.

So yeah, everything is fine.  Tommy realized that everything I was saying the other night was pretty much right.  And we talked, he agrees that he doesn't deserve me, and he's not going to freak out on me like that again.  Even his best friend told him he was a moron.

I'm still going to the movies with Eric this weekend though, and Tommy knows it.  As much as I love him, I'm not going to just jump right back into anything.  When you can feel someone in your head, they are almost a constant presence and can read your mood better than you can yourself?  It's not something you just up and walk away from. 

You know, I've come to the conclusion that most people are retarded.  Aside from work, which only gives me far too many points to illustrate that fact, we'll go with my personal life.

I gave up seeing a guy I really like for someone that I've had feelings for for a long time.  The major issue is the guy I like is near home, and the guy I've had feelings for is in Texas.  Now things were going great, until both the guy in Texas (Tommy) and I started to get scared.

Now things get complicated.  Today, after I've reigned my fears in and decided to just stick to the course I'd chosen, he starts freaking out over the distance.  And the fact that now, this girl his mom really likes that he's had a thing for since high school might be thinking about him the way he's always thought about her.

So, we talk, and it's not just the other girl, it's the fear over the distance and how many obstacles there are.  And I think we're going to slow things down, go back to dating casually near us, see what happens kind of thing, but at the same time, I know, in my heart, that he's the right one for me.  But I also know that I can't fight for something when the other person is too scared to fight.

So, I'm going to see about talking to Eric tonight, see if he wants to see a movie or something this weekend, try to explain to him what's happened, as last he knew Tommy and I were serious, and maybe just go back to being casual cause I know that my heart is with Tommy, but that doesn't mean I need to devote my every waking moment to him.  Not to mention, if he's going to have doubts when we are together, I'd sure as hell rather know NOW than later.  I mean, it's a little late once I up and move, you know?

So yeah.. People are retarded.

And once again, my grandmother has basically called me a fat slob. 

She flat out used those exact words back in April, while I was up to my elbows trying to clean the house for HER birthday party and HER son visiting. 

And now, she's pissed off because I dared to turn on the air conditioner.  I'm sorry, last I checked, you could only take off so many clothes and still be decent to be in public, but you can always cover up or what not.  But then I dared to turn the fan on and the sparks really flew.

I can't help that she's sickly.  Or that she has to stick to clear liquids today because she has yet another test for her kidney stones in the morning.   But apparently, over 80 degrees and humid in a way that makes me remember New Orleans isn't enough of a reason for the air conditioner.

She then goes to say that if I'd lose the weight, it wouldn't matter.  Well, hello, even when I do lose anything, she just tells me it's not enough.  And last I checked, she was part of what made me this way.  Anytime I was upset as a child, I would get "Here, have a cookie, you'll feel better.  Have a piece of cake.  Have some chips."

But yeah.  She is just getting progressively bitchier, and taking it out on me.  As is my mother, but at least she leaves for awhile.  Whereas the only way to get away from my grandmother is for me to pester my friends to kidnap me for a bit.  Which doesn't always go over well.

But yeah... Then we wonder why I was on the meds?  Which I have since stopped, I ran out and couldn't afford to get them filled.  So I just went off them.  I don't really notice much of a difference anyways, so I'm just staying off of them. 

This kind of thing just makes me more determined than ever to get out of this area.  The farther away the better.   Because if I was in driving distance, I'd be expected to be here every day and that would defeat the purpose. 

So I'll keep looking for a job away from here, and hopefully soon I will be able to do something about this.