Again.  I've missed five days out of the last two weeks.  I had the flu, or something similar, but then I started  getting a sore throat, so I called my doctor.  My FMIL had a case of group C strep last week and I was  near her on Tuesday, after she'd started the antibiotics cause she had a hypoglycemic attack.

But I don't have strep, it's some other bacterial thing.  Doc  called in scripts for me, T's picking them up on his lunch hour and bringing them home.  I want to get those in my as quick as possible, as the niece and nephew will be here tonight and the faster I get the antibiotics in me, the less contagious I am.

Plus, going back to work would be a good thing.  I need money. 

On the wedding front, two weeks and one day to go, we're both acting out a bit, spats and what  not but nothing major.  Mainly just being sick, and worn down and so much to do and not enough time to do it.

I've also been on the blood thinners and other meds for almost a month, and we've started trying for a baby, but we're not rushing it.  We know we haven't conceived yet, cause my visitor arrived yesterday.

So, that's life, in a nutshell.

T.J. and I are up to our elbows in planning our wedding.  We've finally gotten the date, the minister, and picked out readings and such.  I'll pick up the invitations after work tomorrow, we'll get  them printed and out here shortly, though most folks already know when it is.

We're getting married February 23rd, here at our home in Oklahoma.  I've faced the reality that my son might not be here, because my mother's attorney has advised her not to bring him to visit me until after our court date.  My mother's asked me to postpone the wedding, but after some hard thought, and a quick check of the PA laws on co-habitation, we've decided not to do so.

His sister is taking care of the flower girl's dress, I'll be reimbursing her for the costs.  It's important to me to pay for that.  We still need to find T.J.'s dress pants and such, plus a tie and such for our nephew.  Might need to find a tie for T.J. if he decides  not to wear the silver one he already has.

Later today, his mom and I are sitting down and going over menu choices and making a list of what all we need to do yet.  Plus, we have lots of cleaning to do, our room is horrible, so today's a busy, busy day.

Yes, I know, I should really come back more often.  A lot of things have been going on, mainly stuff with my mother, like the nasty custody battle we've been in since May.

But I don't really want to get into that, it's depressing and upsetting, especially since I won't even get to see my son for Christmas.

T.J. and I are doing well.  We're getting married either February 23rd or March 1st, depending on which is easier to schedule with the justice of the peace.  I got my dress, from Lane Bryant, on sale!  So that's totally awesome.  We're going to have his nephew and niece with us for Christmas, mainly because we had to move in with his parents, in Muskogee, Oklahoma, to save money.  Stupid custody battle.

But for the most part, I'm ok with us living with his parents.  I love his family, they've been awesome to me.  I just wish my son could be here with us.

Both of us are working for the WalMart here in town, and as soon as the new year starts, I'll start looking for something better, but for now, this is paying the bills, and I do have insurance and stuff through them now.  I will never underestimate how horrible people can be during the holidays ever again though.  Seriously, that old bumper sticker is true- "I know there's a Hell, I work in Retail".  Just now it should read - "I know there's a Hell, I work for Wal-Mart."

Oh I'm still around, I've just been staying away from Xanga cause the last time I was here, and I loaded all those pictures, well, it makes my computer go screwy.   

I'm moving in less than two months, and that is nerve wracking.  Especially considering that I'm moving 1800 miles away.  My mom is keeping Kellen for a few weeks, until I get a job and get settled in.  Then she's going to bring him down to me, where I can get him settled into school and into a fresh start for us both.

Emma (Ben's niece) feeding the donkey at Farmer's Inn Petting Zoo

Kellen feeding a goat

One of the Mountain Lions

All this kitty wanted to do was lay around.  The other one was pacing too much to get a good shot.

Kellen and Emma trying to feed the pony

Still trying to feed the pony

Emma really liked the goats

And so did Kellen, once he realized they wanted the apples.

Goats are silly.

Fighting over the apples

Ben got stuck carrying the apples, I chased the kids and Jess (Emma's mom) got to cut the apples

Crazy goats are going to get stuck

The smart one who didn't stick his head through.

This lil girl is going to be trouble when she's bigger.

Kellen and Kyra (his cousin) at his birthday party

Wow Mom, I got Power Rangers!

The cake!

The cake again

Just before Halloween, wanting to be a bat

Too cute!

Is it trick or treating time?

Uh-oh, I got my pitchfork!

Little devil

Hamming it up for mommy's camera

Now it's time for trick or treating!  Look at that mess though!

Magical Source, Mystic Force!

Hey Gigi, look, I'm a power ranger!

Trick or Treat!

Cheese!

Let's go already Mom!

Mr. Ghost, Lovie and Kellen. 

Yes, it snowed for Halloween

Look at that power ranger go.

School day, early in the morning.  Showing off that handsome new haircut

Cheese!

Huh? What?

I actually received child support this morning.  First I've gotten since July 10th.  Carl had quit his job the day before I filed for the review, and I think it's possible that word reached him I was planning on it.  I suspect he'd been monitoring my myspace page, and he may even be monitoring here as he used to do.  Which really would just make me laugh.  I won't deny that I looked at his myspace page out of curiosity, but I couldn't care less what he's up to.  I worry for the sake of my son, who is going to eventually ask me why his dad is so far away, but I'm really trying not to get into that with him now.  I simply tell him that his dad is in Michigan and that it's too far away to visit him.  And that I don't have a number to call him, cause Kellen does ask to talk to him.  And it breaks my heart, but at the same time, I know Tommy will treat him as his own son and I hope that will be enough for my boy. 

In all honesty, I think in some ways, it'll be better if Kellen does consider Tommy his dad, because then he'll know that someone really did want him, aside from me of course.

If you'd like to post this on your own site, go ahead.  If you don't have a place to host it, feel free to ask for a link.

My feelings on today are mixed, I've been doing a lot of expressing of my views on my yahoo360, as most of my readers here are folks I write with whereas those are folks I used to spend a lot of time with, and don't see much anymore at all.  I won't feel as badly if I upset one of them as I would if I upset any of my readers here.

But I'm really just going about my day, with quiet thoughts for those families who lost loved ones, for whom the day will never be just another day.  And I am just remembering, and cherishing the way our country came together for a short time, and how everyone wanted to help each other.  And perhaps, wishing we'd held onto that a little more.  I am still saddened by what happened, though not nearly as shocked, and in ways, I am still angry, as much with my own government as with the terrorists who did this. 

And folks wonder why I stay away from organized religion?  Because any religion has the power to produce fanatics.  I always liked the way Chris Rock said things in Dogma :

I think it's better to have ideas. You can change
an idea. Changing a belief is trickier. Life
should malleable and progressive; working from
idea to idea permits that. Beliefs anchor you to
certain points and limit growth; new ideas can't
generate. Life becomes stagnant.

My semi-sis-in-law (Carl's sister for those of you who remember that far back) posted this on her myspace and I felt that it should be read by others too.  She got it in an email while she was at work today, and it had both of us in tears.  With the 5th anniversary of 9-11 drawing near, I couldn't help but post it as well.  Might want to snag the tissues as well!

TWO THOUSAND ONE, NINE ELEVEN (2001-911)

  Two thousand one, nine eleven
  Three thousand plus arrive in heaven
  As they pass through the gate,
  Thousands more appear in wait
  A bearded man with stovepipe hat
  Steps forward saying, "Lets sit, lets chat"

  They settle down in seats of clouds
  A man named Martin shouts out proud
  "I have a dream!" and once he did
  The Newcomer said, "Your dream still lives."

  Groups of soldiers in blue and gray
  Others in Khaki, and green then say
  "We're from Bull Run, Yorktown, the Maine "
  The Newcomer said, "You died not in vain."

  From a man on sticks one could hear
  "The only thing we have to fear.
  The Newcomer said, "We know the rest,
  Trust us sir, we've passed that test."

  Courage doesn't hide in caves
  You can't bury freedom, in a grave,"
  The Newcomers had heard this voice before
  A distinct Yankees twang from Hyannisport shores

  A silence fell within the mist
  Somehow the Newcomer knew that this
  Meant time had come for her to say
  What was in the hearts of the five thousand plus that day

  "Back on Earth, we wrote reports,
  Watched our children play in sports
  Worked our gardens, sang our songs
  Went to church and clipped coupons
  We smiled, we laughed, we cried, we fought
  Unlike you, great we're not"

  The tall man in the stovepipe hat
  Stood and said, "Don't talk like that!
  Look at your country, look and see
  You died for freedom, just like me"

  Then, before them all appeared a scene
  Of rubbled streets and twisted beams
  Death, destruction, smoke and dust
  And people working just 'cause they must

  Hauling ash, lifting stones,
  Knee deep in hell, but not alone
  "Look! Blackman, Whiteman, Brownman, Yellowman
  Side by side helping their fellow man!"

  So said Martin, as he watched the scene
  "Even from nightmares, can be born a dream."

  Down below three firemen raised
  The colors high into ashen haze
  The soldiers above had seen it before
  On Iwo Jima back in '45

  The man on sticks studied everything closely
  Then shared his perceptions on what he saw mostly
  "I see pain, I see tears,
  I see sorrow -- but I don't see fear."

  "You left behind husbands and wives
  Daughters and sons and so many lives
  Are suffering now because of this wrong
  But look very closely. You're not really gone.

  All of those people, even those who've never met you
  All of their lives, they'll never forget you
  Don't you see what has happened?
  Don't you see what you've done?
  You've brought them together, together as one.

  With that the man in the stovepipe hat said
  "Take my hand," and from there he led
  Three thousand plus heroes, Newcomers to heaven
  On this day, two thousand one, nine eleven

  Author UNKNOWN (What a shame!)

No idea what time I'll get around tomorrow, I'm working a 9 hour shift then coming home, changing and doing Kellen's birthday party.  Busy busy busy.

So I've been battling a nasty bladder infection.  Went to the ER Monday and they've got me on antibiotics and such.  Apparently, this has been what's had me knocked for a loop for most of the last week.

And Kellen is now four.  His birthday was yesterday, and we just had a quiet day at home.  He opened two of his presents, the rest will wait until his party on Saturday.  I ordered him a Power Rangers cake, as that seems to be the big thing of the moment.  He loves watching them, and the newest one (Mystic Force) seems to be his favorite.

So that's about it from this end.  Still working on Texas, but not sure when we'll have the money to get me moved.